So my mother in recent time has been very vocal about how she wants me to settle down and have children. It get's awkward when I talk to her and the subject comes up. Part of me agrees with her views, and the other part wants nothing more than to just be left alone. Her advice is generally correct but often unwanted, and not asked for. Most recently she is even more concerned with the kids, than even setting down. I never thought I would hear a day when my mother would actually tell me to knock up some girl.
This I think started at about the age of 28 or so. At the time I was with Angie, who I remind her that I think it was best that I didn't have children with in retrospect. At that she agrees, however she then inputs that she is rather surprised that I haven't gotten a girl pregnant by now, considering how many "floosies" I have dated. Now this is a loving term my mother uses for any girl who I causally date, or have a very short term relationship with, and typically not up to my mother's standards.
To understand my mothers previous standards it included a girl who has gone to college, comes from a good family with Christian up bringing. By good family, I mean with parents who are doctors, or lawyers, business owners, or of other notable reputation, as opposed to say just "good people". Since I was very young I was reminded "it is just as easy to marry for love, as it is for money". This was basically stating that it wasn't really a bad idea to marry a girl you don't really love, if they are of a similar class, and can help provide a stable family, instead of say a girl I loved who worked at KFC and rode the bus. It is true I have found out that yes, it is hard for me to date a girl who comes from a very poor background, as we have very little in common as far as upbringing, and their views on money, and life in general is usually very different as well.
I think this was a huge issue with Angie. She was always getting on my about why I have to compete, and always try to be better. Why can't I just be happy with being like everyone else. This is counter my core being, of always trying to be the best. I have always had an innate desire to better myself, my situation and be better at everything I ever do than everyone else. I have an internal drive for competition. Angie on the other hand thought that it was pompous and arrogant to want to be better, and that lot's of people live perfectly fine lives making $8 an hour, and I should just settle for whatever life gives me. So our entire philosophy on life was different. She is okay with settling for less, and I simply was not. This was the basis for many of our fights. What I learned is I need to be with a girl who pushes me to be better, not one who tries to hold me back.
Now my mother has been asking daily as to why I haven't married Dominique. That is of course a rather touchy subject, as I don't want to outright say..well she was fucking with me the whole time. I just say, I don't know what she is up to, and we haven't spoken for a while, and that we are still friends, but it doesn't look like it is going anywhere. My mother has stated several times she had hoped that this would work out, and that she would have grandbabies soon. However she did say "You can't warm up old toast" and that we didn't talk for several years for a reason, and it probably is the same reason why we aren't really talking now. I told her that this was not up to her. Now her thing is for me to move on as soon as possible, as I am not getting any older. On that she is correct. I have my 33rd birthday coming up, with no relationship to speak of. I am okay with that, but eventually do want to meet a girl who wants a family. It's just hard because it seems that I really do waist a lot of time with girls who don't know what they want...or as my mother calls them....floosies. Maybe I really do need to re-evaluate who I date.
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