Myspace Angles....and Beyond

So we have already covered that I am currently not married, and in fact I am single. This is not from lack of trying, however sometimes it's the not trying that actually turns into amazingly bad dates. One case in point is when I was using Myspace (Yah this isn't recent), and I got a random message from a girl who I did not know.

Now we all know about "Myspace Angles" where people take very tricky pictures with their camera phones or low mega pixel pocket cams in order to fool you into thinking they are attractive or even worse....skinny. This particular girl who will be given a creative name shortly was one such case. The pictures in the profile looked ok, with nothing outwardly shocking such as tusks, excessive body hair, or other overt signs of nastiness. So when she wrote me a message out of the blue asking to take me out to dinner, I figured sure why not, I'll get a meal out of it. I figured I had nothing else going on that evening so I took up the offer. 

The first sign of trouble is when she asked to go to a four star restaurant. The number one rule in dinner dates is NEVER take a girl out to a place where she could potentially order lobster, steak and Dom Perignon, and then stick you with the bill. This of course goes double for a date where the girl askes you out, and offers to pay. This could go south quickly and you end up stuck with a $200 dinner bill, and no ride home. 

So with this said, I wisely suggested Panara, a casual yuppie hang out, deli type restaurant known for soup and sandwiches and alot of wood furniture. So we exchanged numbers, and as I arrived called her as to not walk up to random women in the place. The first thing she said was warning sign number 2. She asked what I was driving. Now I was driving my fathers truck, not my car, as my car at the time was although only 2 years old, the worst vehicle ever made by Suzuki. On this day (as many other days) it was in the shop, and so my dad was kind enough to lend me a truck he had. When she heard I was driving a truck said....ewww who drives that. I ignored the comment and continued on. 

So When I walked in the place I was very rudely surprised by what met me. A girl who stood about 5'5 with what I can only describe as a crooked face, red hair, a grey dress that looked like she bought it at the mall store RAVE (and yes it had long been out of business at that time as well), and these black shoes with super thick soles that looked like she took them off one of those people who has one leg to short. 

Now I am saying crooked in a very kind way. This was very similar to Toxic Avenger with one eye completely not on the same plane as the other. Her skin was so pale it was transparent, and she had red hair that was down almost to her waist. Of course this was about as far from fashionable as I could imagine anyone eating at a mall restaurant could possibly be. I figured I would make the best of it and at least get my free meal, and move on. This was not the case.

I have always been known to dress well, and take very good care of my appearance ever since I was a little child. So after ordering my meal (that I ended up paying for..and hers as well, good thing we didn't go to that 4 star) we sat down. She then looked me over and said something I have never heard someone say before...."Are you A gay". This was of course in reference to my stylish outfit, and well groomed hair. She then told me how she lived in Celebration, a community designed and run by Disney that can only be described at The Truman Show, and is most likely what they based the movie off of. She proceeded to tell me how this was only her second time downtown, and she liked it because there were "colored" people and she never gets to see them. Apparently in Celebration this is a rarity. As I said before it is completly Leave It To Beaver Land, even using a term that I thought they stopped using in the 50s. She told me that her goal one day was to meet a guy with tattoos that she described as "Good Charlotte" looking so she could ask them why they wanted to be so weird. After the colored person comment I was completely done with this date and told her I would call her to hang out again, and left abruptly. Of course I did not....however did run into her once again at a club downtown where she had apparently met another sucker who fell for her Myspace Angles, and that is what I called her from then on.